My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Randomize
