I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
