This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
