well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
