I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
