There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
