I need help removing her.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Randomize
