bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
