she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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