I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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