i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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