and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
