Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
