things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
high people should be assigned attendants
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
