no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
