We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
