once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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