you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
