He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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