so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
