i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
and you fell through a lawn chair
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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