I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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