i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize
