hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I'm at about main and main street
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
