You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
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