o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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