you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize
