OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
