even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Randomize
