So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
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