I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
