It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
