Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
