Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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