is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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