Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
