So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize