do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
