Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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