imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
