its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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