i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
