i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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