ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Randomize
