Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
