3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Randomize
