meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I AM VODKA MAN
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
