Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
