based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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