don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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