I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
